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Jun. 11th, 2010

Yesterday I had a meeting with my friend Jeremy from high school to go over a business idea that he want to start. That meeting was quite interesting and might turn into something big and is not at all the subject of this entry.

Conversation with an old friend always wanders, and as such, a random person (one who exited my life rather abruptly) came up in conversation. Actually, a few such people came up, but most of them are folks where I've since felt a sort of closure that comes from either nastiness (ie Geoff, Rena) or time (Dan). Instead, for a brief moment, I was reminded that I still to this day don't understand why my calls suddenly went unreturned, my emails went ignored.

And when I say brief, I mean just that. In fact, names and details never even came up, just a passing mention and then no more.

The vivid dream last night, the one that I had the pleasure of waking up amidst, rather than having it run its course, ripped open all the confusion and rejection and everything else all anew. Egads, how f'ing emo is that?

But seriously, I need to stop. Rejection happens. Get over it and move on. Of course, instead of moving on, I gave up. Threw my hands up in the air and said "screw this all, I'm too much of a delicate flower to deal with real people." And I'm fine with that decision, as long as I don't sit here and pine about what could have been.

But forcing myself through four hours of mindless work has helped. I'm not slipping into anything deeper, if anything I've completely resurfaced at this point and am laughing at myself-four-hours-ago that was letting herself get upset by a dream. A product of her own subconscious.

I spend too much time listening to my dreams when I'm not feeling tip-top. Nothing more to worry about here.

Comments

pghkitten
Jun. 11th, 2010 04:27 pm (UTC)
::hugs:: That kind of dream and its aftermath isn't easy to deal with. The subconscious has such lovely ways of screwing with the mind and emotions and bringing up stuff that seemed resolved. I hope the effects pass soon...in the meantime, remember that you are an awesome person and are loved by a great many people. :)
little__one
Jun. 12th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
Aye, thanks! And if the subject matter came up again last night, I sure didn't retain it. The last dream I can recall had me going to an upper-level drawing class with Nick, Ross, and Cheyenne. A very mundane sort of happy dream.