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Hello?

Is anyone still here? Do any of my "friends" on here still visit this site?
Every so often I actually log in via a computer to this site. But not to post a new journal entry. Just to delete people off my friends list so I don't have to read their garbage.

In general, I think it can be assumed that I won't be updating things here any more. Nothing against any of you who I still have friended (yes, I made sure I still like you all) and I'll still read stuff, but I think I've just gotten too far out of the habit of sharing my life with the random internet masses.

Origins 2011 - Totally Awesome!

We arrived on Wednesday this year, got into our hotel shortly before 2. We stayed at the Crowne Plaza this year, which ended up being an excellent decision. After checking in, I went straight into volunteering for security. Walked around the convention with Ben (I'd played Are You a Werewolf with him in previous years, but never really interacted with him), spent a lot of time just chatting it up with strangers and otherwise being security without actually doing anything.

After getting conscripted into an extra hour of moving walls for the art show, I grabbed some tacos with Nick from the food court. Then Ross, Heather, and I went to a LARP - Blind Date - where I got to be a totally innocent schoolgirl in among a bunch of drug deals and pimps. Fun! The game ran a lot like the sorts of things we do around here, although not quite as awesome.

I moderated and played some Are You a Werewolf, although there wasn't much that was particularly eventful the first day. Or at least, nothing that I'm remembering off the top of my head.

Thursday I woke up with plenty of time to get to my first game - didn't have to be there until 1. It was my only Call of Cthulhu game of the con - Son of the Shadow King. The plot was very interesting but I didn't really feel like the characters had the chance to make any meaningful choices, we were just sort of moved through from one pre-arranged event to the next. That said, it was still lots of fun. And it was one of three games that I got to play with Matthew, so that was cool.

After dinner (more tacos in the food court!), Matthew and I played in my first of two Dread games. This is the last year the folks that always run Dread with be doing so, and all of the scenarios were billed as their respective GM's "signature" events. Dead City started with a group of six PCs that suddenly found themselves the only living things in a Manhattan-like island city. It was intense and nearly made me cry at one point. Definitely the high point of my convention.

More Werewolf, some sleep, and then volunteering for security in the middle of the night. This time I worked with Kyle, sitting around guarding the stuff that had been dropped off for the silent auction. Then more sleep! (I also spent a few hours talking to Parker - at least, I'm pretty sure that was Thursday night...)

Friday started out with Westward on the San Juan Express, a Deadlands game using the Savage Worlds system. The scenario was really interesting and the characters were great. My only issue was that the GM spent a lot of time calling for notice rolls when he could have just told us what he wanted our characters to see. This seemed to bother Matthew a lot more than it bothered me...

I was getting a little tired, so I decided to skip my next game (Delta Green) and instead got some food and hung out for a bit with Heather and Nick. While we were sitting around talking some little girls came by trying to get people together for an epic game of Morton's List. I decided against all better judgement to go play this silliness with little kids, which is how I ended up being on the winning team of the tournament they were running. And it was lots of fun. I still don't care what you naysayers have to say!

More Werewolf. Volunteering overnight. Talking to drunk people. And sleep.

I decided to skip my Saturday game of Unknown Armies in favor of more Nick time... We met up with Cory (my little con brother!) and Ben for ice cream, then went over to the Indie Games on Demand room. Nick ended up running Fiasco for a full table, so instead I played The Tales of the Fisherman's Wife with a few other GoD folks. Super-interesting little indie game, I would have never played it without Nick's intervention so I'm glad I skipped UA after all.

I went back for my last volunteer shift, worked part of it, and then was asked to come back later to help out because they were short-staffed on the overnight shifts. So instead I met back up with Nick and got some food, then went and took a nap. Got back up in time to play another game of Werewolf, then back to volunteering.

I finished out the night with a few truly-epic games of Werewolf (if I get the energy up I'll have to tell those stories) and then got a few more hours of sleep.

Sunday morning, after a hasty packing job, I actually got to spend an hour in the dealer's room! Bought a card game that I think Madeline will be able to play, and then ended up talking to the guy who runs Rogue Cthulhu for a while.

My last game of the con was another Dread game, this one Passages with Adam and Stacie. I definitely enjoyed the game, but it didn't seem like Dread was the right system for the scenario. I liked the GM a lot, and I especially liked my character.

Amusing side note - I was a girl in every single game I played this year. Even when we were short female characters, I made sure I played a female. So unlike me!!

We left the convention center as soon as I was done with my last game. It's weird being home, I miss all the mobs of people and talking to strangers about what a dork I am and just being a dork in general... :)

Motives and Motivations

I've been mulling about this entry for a while.

I started writing an online journal back on Diaryland. My first username was "gamergal" and I'd long ago deleted all the entries. But the important part was, at least in the beginning, I wasn't writing as an exercise in memory or a log of my intimate feelings or anything else so high and mighty.

I started journalling because of a guy.

His name was Logan and I had literally been fascinated by him from the day that I met him. And I'm sure he wouldn't even remember it, but we met before college even began. During one of the weekends leading up to starting our first year at Marietta, he and I had been sitting in the same room with our parents (I was there with my mom, he was with his father) talking about the honors program with one of our future professors. I thought his name was Luke for some reason, and I spent the next few hours running that name over in my head and wondering if he and I would end up being friends.

We were. Kinda. Shortly after the school year started, I discovered that he and some other folks were into gaming, and we all started hanging out a lot. I started dating Tom, and he was always with Leda (I can't for the life of me remember her real name) and that was that. I compared him to Brandon Lee from The Crow and basically just kept my admiration to myself.

And something weird happened after we came back from Christmas break. We started hanging out a lot. Seriously, all the time. And we were both in a play together, something Shakespearean that I can't remember off the top of my head. And in the span of about a week or two I was totally ready to break up with Tom for him. But after a horribly botched one-night-stand sort of thing it was clear that Leda was going to kill me if I didn't make myself scarce. And so I did.

And then he started dating Stephanie (funny coincidence, this is a girl who also dated Sean Wedig in high school after getting turned down by Nick) and it was clear they were pretty serious. And she never really liked me much. I wasn't clear on why. But it meant that I saw even less of Logan.

And they both had journals on Diaryland.

So this is the point where I said, hey, I'll make a diary too. And maybe if they see who I am in the cyber world, they'll like me in the real world too, and I can have Logan back at least as a friend and go back to hanging out a lot and just admiring him silently instead of creepily watching him eat lunch halfway across the dining hall.

It didn't really work. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very interesting online. Nor am I particularly patient. And in the meantime Ryan found the journal (Tom was ancient history) and started a long spiral of distrust that would eventually lead to our inevitable breakup. So it was soon common knowledge that I was writing gamergal, and no one was particularly moved to be more (or less) of my friend.

So where am I going with this? I guess A) I have a history of trying to be manipulative via journal entries that goes back to their very core and B) sometimes I come up with really dumb ideas.

But it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Because I've thought about posting things here and then stopped and questioned my intentions. And every time I've had to stop and say to myself "saying these things will only cause drama" or "this isn't what you really mean so you shouldn't post it" or something similar.

Completely unrelated to anything else, I shaved my legs this evening (after not bothering for approximately the last two months). I feel touchable.

Learning is fun!

I learned two new words today: acarophilia and bogan. Perhaps I'll just go down the alphabet. Any other new words I should know?

(And yes, while the size of this post is perfectly suited for Facebook, it will stay here. Silliness over cross-posting is silly, but only because I don't understand why anyone would want to randomly post the comments to a Livejournal post [sans context] over to a Facebook wall.)

I also dig nested parentheticals.
I am not any one of my friends. I am me. A completely seperate person.

If you meet one of them and you meet me, and you're really interested in them, but you think it's not mutual, don't flirt with me.

If you meet me first and then you meet one of them and you realize you're more into them, don't continue to act interested in me just because you think it's somehow the socially correct thing to do.

Don't sit around and tell me how hot one of my friends' girlfriends is when we're on a date. Don't tell me about how she's more your "type" and then expect me to keep going on dates with you. (Also, don't say you'll go out somewhere with me, and then take your other girlfriend there instead.)

I am not a particularly jealous person, even though I joke about being jealous often. But I am not interchangeable.

Just for future reference. No, nothing I'm particularly upset about either. It's just come up multiple times now in regards to poly relationships. Maybe that's part of the nature of the beast, this sort of interchangeability. Love the one you're with and all that jazz. Or maybe I'm just being overly sensitive about something that's not even the reality of any of those situations. Still thought it was worth noting.

Powers of Ten Remedial Class!

Actual conversation with a customer this morning:

Cust: I have a 5 thousand dollar credit limit with Home Depot, so this is going to decide who I shop with.

Me: Okay...

Cust: Well I just got this letter that says I have a one thousand dollar credit limit.

Me: No sir, your credit limit is ten thousand.

Cust: But the letter says one thousand. It has a one with four zeros after it.

It took about 30 more seconds for me to explain that yes, that one with four zeros is $10,000. He apologized for being dense at least.

Sophia likes taxidermied birds...

I started writing this a week or two ago and never posted it. So here you go, just ignore the time frame reference (since I obviously wasn't at the museum yesterday!)

Yesterday we went to the museum. Sophie and I were looking at one of bird displays where the bird was displayed sitting on a nest. The following conversation ensued:

Phi: That bird is eating Easter eggs!
Me: Those aren't Easter eggs. There are baby birds in the eggs.
Phi: (thinks for a moment) That bird is eating baby birds!
Me: No, that's the mommy. Do I eat my babies? Do I eat you?
Phi: (thinks again for a few seconds) Yeah, you eat me!

I gave up at this point and nibbled her fingers.

Tags:

Jun. 29th, 2010

I'm home, I'm rested, I'm back to work. Need to definitely get a recap of things down for posterity's sake.

WEDNESDAY:

The trip out was completely uneventful and everything went as planned. :)

I spent most of the day volunteering. This year I was working event registration, which meant actually handling money and computers. (Last year, I worked GM registration which was a lot of folders and lists and signing things and not a lot of actual work, and so I ended up just spending a lot of time doing data entry when event tickets were turned in.) I also spent all of Wendesday sitting next to a girl who, we learned near the end of the day, I briefly went to high school with. Turns out she was a freshman at Thomas Jefferson when I was a sophomore, and she was (and still is, thanks to the power of Facebook) friends with Wendy Davis!

I did manage to play a few games of Are You a Werewolf later that night. My first game of the con, in fact, I was a wolf, and I had everyone convinced that I was completely safe - except that the seer decided to check me. Oh well.

THURSDAY:

Started off the convention with a bit of a *BANG* - literally - playing a superheroes game called With Great Power that I've seen Nick enjoy greatly in years past. I don't understand why Nick doesn't own this game! The guy who wrote the system GM'd it. He's also the same guy who ran Ganakgagok for me as a pick-up game last year. I need to remember this for next year - anything that either Michael or Kat Miller run is something I want to play!

The rest of Thursday was a bit of a wash, though. Next up was the Mary Celeste LARP. After running around the con in circles, I managed to find the game about 5 minutes late... only to discover that 3 other people had shown up, but the game needed a minimum of 7 to run. :( At least I got my money back, and instead spent some time cruising the dealer's hall.

Last up for the day was Delta Green game that would have been awesome, except for the fact that it was the continuation of story from previous years. Fifth part of an ongoing story, in fact. Each one was a stand-alone event, but it was hard jumping in to a brand new character when a few of the people in the group had already played their characters from the beginning. It also doesn't help that I go into any modern game like this at a handicap because I know absolutely nothing about military stuff, and even less about guns. But for its flaws, I still very much enjoyed the story and felt like I contributed.

Matthew let me crash for a few hours in his room, so I got a nap while people were finishing up games. Played some more Werewolf, although about half of the time I ended up flirting with Tony and not so much paying attention to the game.

FRIDAY:

Woke up bright and early for Prawn (and ended up still being late thanks to a broken stem on my glasses, but that's a seperate issue and totally uninteresting.) For those of you who don't know, Prawn is a LARP played in a swimming pool. In our specific scenario, we were fish in a pet store. Unfortunately, due to hotel rules, we didn't get to play with any of the cool Prawn props. Turnout was pretty low. But it was still oodles of fun just to jump around energetically in swimming pool for a while. :)

Next up was my first game with Rogue Cthulhu. In past years I've always been impressed by Marx Stead and yet for some reason this year it seemed like he just didn't quite have his shit together. The scenario was good, the ideas were solid, but a few frustrations with NPCs and some in-party fighting derailed us a bit near the end. Screw the TPK - Matthew and I ended up going for the TWK - yes, that's total WORLD kill. We managed to open a gateway directly to hell that had been sealed off for 60+ years. Out of spite. And disbelief. I would have enjoyed it more, though, had it not been for an overly-Christian psychic PC that just hit my nerves the wrong way. That is, hit the nerves of Amber, not the character I was playing. I know, I shouldn't get bothered by that sort of stuff, but the Jesus-this and God-that really bothers me. Maybe because I just wasn't expecting it. ::shrug::

My last RPG for the day was Dread: Henchmen. Solid game mechanics, solid scenario, amazing GM. I was blown away. These guys are going to be seeing me more at future Origins events. I can only hope that Adam plans to do justice to the Dread mechanics, otherwise I might have to start running my own games in the meantime.

I spent the next few hours dancing my ass off. Club Carcosa is a staple of my Origins experience - the "rave" LARP run by Rogue Cthulhu. This year looked to be one of the best turn-outs I've seen, and there were a lot of new characters for people to play around with. Also nice were the additions of a professional DJ and a cash bar. I opted out of playing a character and instead spent a good amount of time getting drunk and stupid. :) Stuck around until the DJ played his last song, in fact, and then hung around a little longer talking with the aforementioned Mr. Stead about how much fun it had been.

BLENDED SMOOTHLY INTO SATURDAY:

I had no intention of sleeping, so I went back to playing more Are You a Werewolf. That lasted a few hours, until people started breaking off to get ready for volunteering at 7am. I followed Jaime back to his hotel to steal buffet breakfast, and Peter decided to join us. The three of us ended up hanging out together until my 9am game.

I should have probably skipped it. Something about breakfast and no sleep and being a bit hungover was not sitting well in my belly, and I spent the morning alternating sick and asleep. Rod Wiesinger is one of my favorite GMs, though, so I stuck it out and tried as hard as I could to get through. Next year, though, no 9am games in the Rogue Cthulhu room! Umbagog was an interesting scenario, but there were a few solid flaws that would have kept me from fully enjoying it even if I'd been feeling better.

Saturday afternoon saw me finishing up my volunteering hours. I'd managed to slip in a few hours on Thursday and Friday, so I didn't need the full 8 hours to finish out my total of 16. Which worked out just fine - there was almost no one looking to sign up for events on the last night of the con. I spent some time sleeping on the floor while Nick and Cheyenne got to hang out with THE Jason Morningstar.

Last up was another LARP with Rogue Cthulhu - The Space Between. We'd already been warned that the game wasn't quite in a playable state, so I will forgive the glaring problems with it. The idea was solid, it worked well as a LARP. We were various military and science folks on the maiden voyage of a faster-than-light ship that was pushed through and never properly tested. Nick and I could have seriously done better with this LARP. Also, tensions were running high among some of the players. Still, I had fun. Then again, any time I get to bawl hysterically in character is good times.

SUNDAY

After getting a nice solid few hours of sleep, we got back to the con in time for Nick to play a pickup game with Ed. I decided I wasn't quite conscious enough to do anything justice, so instead I grabbed Cheyenne and a coffee, and then played a few more short rounds of Are You a Werewolf. It's amazing, by the way, how much quicker a 7-player game goes.

And then we went home.

The end. :)

Jun. 11th, 2010

Yesterday I had a meeting with my friend Jeremy from high school to go over a business idea that he want to start. That meeting was quite interesting and might turn into something big and is not at all the subject of this entry.

Conversation with an old friend always wanders, and as such, a random person (one who exited my life rather abruptly) came up in conversation. Actually, a few such people came up, but most of them are folks where I've since felt a sort of closure that comes from either nastiness (ie Geoff, Rena) or time (Dan). Instead, for a brief moment, I was reminded that I still to this day don't understand why my calls suddenly went unreturned, my emails went ignored.

And when I say brief, I mean just that. In fact, names and details never even came up, just a passing mention and then no more.

The vivid dream last night, the one that I had the pleasure of waking up amidst, rather than having it run its course, ripped open all the confusion and rejection and everything else all anew. Egads, how f'ing emo is that?

But seriously, I need to stop. Rejection happens. Get over it and move on. Of course, instead of moving on, I gave up. Threw my hands up in the air and said "screw this all, I'm too much of a delicate flower to deal with real people." And I'm fine with that decision, as long as I don't sit here and pine about what could have been.

But forcing myself through four hours of mindless work has helped. I'm not slipping into anything deeper, if anything I've completely resurfaced at this point and am laughing at myself-four-hours-ago that was letting herself get upset by a dream. A product of her own subconscious.

I spend too much time listening to my dreams when I'm not feeling tip-top. Nothing more to worry about here.